“Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams.”
~ Hosea Balou
My dearest sunrise. It’s been 275 days since we last sat together. Like stepping off a plane to see your best friend, whom you haven’t seen in years, I felt the tears of joy well up in my eyes and roll slowly down my cheek midway through my sitting this morning. Oh, how I’ve missed you! But old friends remain firmly rooted in the heart, and as we sat together, just as old friends do, the time apart dissolved in an instant …..
What makes an author shelf a book, the painter put down his brush, or a songwriter go years without lyrics?
As I began the new year, and pondered what made me put down my digital pen, I spent some time looking through my entries to see if I could find an answer. I noted reference to needing a break from thinking, while working on Party Girl last May.
As with all things in life, when something begins to feel forced, it’s simply time to take a break.
Marshall Vandruff writes: “One reason that people have artist’s block is that they do not respect the law of dormancy in nature. Trees don’t produce fruit all year long, constantly. They have a point where they go dormant. And when you are in a dormant period creatively, if you can arrange your life to do the technical tasks that don’t take creativity, you are essentially preparing for the spring when it will all blossom again.”
Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola-Estes: “One can’t fulfill one’s calling by being called away. Rather, one fulfills one’s calling by filling up …. by studying, thinking, listening, looking at, living in the layers of life between the collective ones. Then …. one can pour outward again.”
In these past 275 days, I’ve learned more about myself than I can begin to express, living in the layers of life. Most importantly, my mindfulness practice is teaching me to feel from the heart. To stop denying the undeniable. I have navigated this long winter of the heart. I have been inspired recently by many things, and yes, I feel ready to pour outward again …
My meditation teacher, Sheila James, wrote recently: “Some of you are becoming aware of how charged with energy the very word “think” actually is, for it is the action of “thinking” that creates and recreates the circumstances of life, and to become aware of your own thinking is the first and most important step in finding your freedom. Much has been said about the power of “positive thinking” but why do you need to think at all?”
“Your mind was designed to be a servant to your heart, your creative ability. Staying centered in the heart means remaining open, and to remain open, all that is required is the willingness to feel what is there.”
“Are you feeling sad, worried, restricted in any way? Then FEEL the feeling, do not THINK about it. Awareness, real, live awareness, is an action and a total state of being. It requires energy, but a different kind of energy to circular thinking which is how the vast majority of humans live. Where you have feelings of fear and sadness, awareness will automatically bring to you feelings of compassion and reassurance. Where you have feelings of spiritual tiredness and disillusion, awareness will bring to you feelings of renewed energy and enthusiasm. Where you feel overwhelmed with boredom and dull routine, awareness will bring to you feelings of curiosity and interest.”
“The key is always awareness, the willingness to be fully awake, at any given moment.”
Or to quote Isabel Allende on divine creativity: “Show up, show up, show up. And after a while, the muse shows up too.”
Welcome Winter into Spring!
