“All that is gold does not glitter. Not all those who wander are lost.”
~ J.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
Thank you for all of your comments and insights on my last post regarding bucket lists and middle age. It seems for many of us, that as we near the midway point, we become more present to ourselves, to the present moment.
Two younger friends both focused their comments on the letting go of attachments.
One wrote: “I find as I grow older, I am more aware of my attachments and it doesn’t feel right. My sense of “self” certainly has more to do with what I perceive and feel deep inside, rather than the surface personality I’ve been attached to for so long.”
And another: “Eye opening. I find myself in a massive purging stage. I have less and less attachment to stuff. A realization that stuff is just stuff whereas before I felt I needed to hoard more and more stuff. Gosh, it’s like the stages of childhood that I remember trying to find the positive in…”terrific twos” instead of “terrible twos”, for example. Middle age is a series of such stages. I never really thought about adulthood like this until now. Do we try to hold on to the young or go joyfully into the middle?! Or embrace both aspects?”
The elders focused more on living in the moment …
One wrote: “I wake up each morning on fore to learn or create something. It doesn’t all go to hell unless you lose your sense of joy and wonder in life.”
For another, my post sprouted a beautiful story from a fellow writer, who feels that his first 25 years were the most challenging, and wrote: “Bucket list moments aren’t for me. I think I’m more into a “Fuck It!” list. As in, being inspired in a moment, and saying “Ah, fuck it, why don’t I try this?” I am more into those serendipitous moments that seem to occur when I’m not running on some preconceived idea about how something should go, and just find myself open to whatever happens. You can’t make or force those things – they just seem to happen when you don’t expect them to. They’re a byproduct of living in the moment. When they happen, you just say, “Thanks!”, and feel blessed by them.”
My boyfriend admitted to me that he’s never really contemplated old age. It’s hard for him to imagine his youthful, adventurous mind being encased in a body that might not allow him the mobility and life experience he envisions. He was quick to name off two individuals in their 80s who are still running marathons. He quickly put on his running shoes and went for a brisk walk.
Something has shifted for me since the start of this month, and my short-lived charter adventure. I’ve always had a wunderlust for life. Somewhere, achievement and living up to other’s expectations got in the way.
I mentioned that the final page in my last dreamboard from 2009 is a picture of a live-aboard cruise ship called “The World – Residences at Sea” with the words “Grand Aspirations: They say magical moments happen by chance …. It’s up to you!”
But the very first page? It’s a picture of a suitcase, with the words “Off to join the circus !!”
I’ve been struggling with why I’ve been unable to develop my business website. This month I’ve come to understand that I’m afraid it will define me in a way that I don’t want to be defined. That Lifting Limitation will actually limit me!
As I took on the role of stewardess, I could hear the venomous words of my ex-husband some 25 years ago, as I contemplated getting a restaurant job when we first moved here to the islands. “No wife of mine is going to be a waitress!” he proclaimed.
Obviously, an ivy league girl with a hotel and restaurant degree shouldn’t be doing something so subservient!
It was the start of our demise. No one will ever tell me what I can and cannot do. Nor will I be associated with someone who judges people and service in such a manner.
I could sense my parents shaking their head when I said I’d be working a beet harvest last fall. Their minds made up all kinds of pre-conceived notions of what that experience would hold. The same with “this last trip of mine”. I might as well have told them I was joining the circus …
As I look at their life, trying not to judge, I wonder where the wunderlust went? How can one find contentment in hours of computer games when there is a whole world waiting for exploration?
I think being truly open to the present, means no longer being complacent with life. It’s the fine art of exploration without seeking.
I crave more adventures, where I can be of service, in any capacity what-so-ever. I’m open to it …
I no longer think of myself as a smart girl, a web developer, a business coach, an entrepreneur.
I’d rather my CV read: Adventurer, Intellectual Acrobat, Writer & Mystic.
Yep, fuck it … I’m off to join the circus over the next few years.
And I can’t wait to share what I learn, from the beautiful souls and guides whom I shall meet along the way …..
