“Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries.”
~ Corita Kent
Interesting weather we have going on here! Yesterday’s beautiful sunrise gave way to thunderstorms. And now we have an early season tropical storm Chantal shooting up the pipeline. Could make for an interesting week (and photos)!
I was up early this morning, and had a quick look at Facebook before I sat. I never know exactly what I will write about each morning, or what meditation will bring. But a post by a friend regarding Boundaries, prompted quite a bit of contemplation.
On one hand, we often see quotes such as “Set No Boundaries.” This generally applies to sports or going after our dreams, and overcoming fear. Buddha nature might also suggest that to set boundaries equates to lack of compassion or a closing of the heart.
Phillip Moffitt, a meditation teacher at Spirit Rock, wrote a highly thought provoking article on the setting of personal boundaries. He distinguishes between two types of boundaries: One is trespassing – when someone intrudes on your space without invitation. The other is enmeshment – the failure to honor the psychological autonomy of another.
Although having your boundaries trespassed is disturbing, it’s a problem that’s easily recognized – and, with goodwill – can be negotiated. People may try to bully or intimidate you, but your willingness to stand up and fight for your space will prevent further abuse.
However, far more treacherous and confusing is enmeshment – an inappropriate merging of identities. It can take many forms: Your spouse tells you what to think; your sister-in-law shares inappropriate details about her sex life; your mother corrects the way you speak to your children – in front of the kids; your best friend tells you whom you should date; your coworker asks you to “help” with her work, but she’s really asking you to do it for her; your boss calls you at home to ask you to do the task he has neglected. In each instance, if you can’t maintain your boundary, you acquiesce and are pulled into someone else’s drama.
Moffitt notes that we must try to develop a gut feeling about our intrinsic emotional and physical boundaries by being curious, staying mindful, avoiding self-judgment, and being compassionate with ourselves. Healthy, resilient boundaries feed upon themselves, so that the more vibrant they are, the more they develop. Paradoxically, once you become strong in your own boundaries, they become more porous; love and caring flow more easily between yourself and others.
Moffitt offers a Four-Step Boundary Setting Practice:
http://dharmawisdom.org/teachings/articles/setting-personal-boundaries
And another site offers up The Ten Laws of Boundaries:
http://fallforward.wordpress.com/2010/03/02/the-ten-laws-of-boundaries/
Great reads if you have the time! But I’ll leave you with one of my favorite little teachings direct from the Buddha himself. It’s what went through my mind continually, as I meditated on Boundaries …
Happy Monday, and enjoy a great week ❤
———
Buddha and The Angry Man
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him.
“You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake.”
Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man if he had any friends or relatives.
“Yes.” the man replied.
“When you visit them, do you take them gifts?” the Buddha asked.
“Of course, I always bring them gifts.” the angry man replied.
“Then what happens if they don’t accept your gifts?” Buddha asked.
“Well I take them home and enjoy them with my own family”
“And likewise,” said the Buddha, “You have brought me a gift here today that I do not accept. And so you may take that gift back home to your family.”
“It is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself.”
“If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy.”
