“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
~ Plato
A heavy, soothing rain shower had me up before dawn this morning. And of course my concern for Gabby. She’s still breathing, but not showing the remarkable improvement that doc hoped for. So back to the vets she’ll go today.
I thank you for all of your prayers. This morning, my daily metta prayer specifically reached out to my parents, and their best friends. A few posts back, you may recall my wondering why my parents just couldn’t seem to get their plans together for their 50th wedding anniversary. Well, it seems their best friend will be passing away. So instead of a time of celebration, this week will most likely end up being a time of sadness and grief for them.
I think of Mrs. K, who will wake to go check on her husband, home with hospice care. My fear to go check on Gabby: Her fear likely tenfold. Yet somehow, we rise to the occasion. This will be my “yoga” practice for myself today: Watching my mind, trying to steel itself from the harsh realities of this world, but keeping my heart open …..
Yesterday, I explored the deeper aspect of happiness. Buddha did not come into this world as Buddha. He spent years and years exploring and coming to understand why humans suffer, and finding a path to the end of suffering. I offer gratitude to Buddha every day for those teachings. By no means am I free of suffering, which Buddha synonymously equates to grief and lamentation. But I do feel I have developed a resilience to change. And an ability to experience my emotions, so that they can be fully acknowledged, allowing them to pass more quickly. Passing, as all things will. This is what yoga has taught me.
As I found myself needing to offer comfort to my Mom yesterday, I searched a little bit further for more practical suggestions on how to help someone who is grieving. Helping someone discover Buddha’s Dharma may help for the next time around and certainly in the long term, but what about in this moment?? It’s often hard to know what to say or do when someone you care about is grieving. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making the person feel even worse.
There are many ways to help a grieving friend or family member, starting with letting the person know you care. HelpGuide.org offers a number of practical tips:
- Google, and understand the grieving process. In general, there are 5 stages: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
- Don’t pressure the bereaved to move on or make them feel like they’ve been grieving too long. This can actually slow the healing process.
- Listen with compassion: Accept and acknowledge feelings, be willing to sit in silence, let the bereaved talk about their loss, offer comfort without minimizing the loss.
- Offer practical assistance, and take the initiative.
- Be consistent, and offer longer term support if you are able.
- Watch for warning signs that may suggest the person is in need of professional assistance.
Please see the article here for more in depth tips:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/helping_grieving.htm
In my search, I also came across a beautiful article entitled “The Journey from Suffering to Resilience.”
http://www.gapsychology.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=305
Change and loss during the course of our lives is inevitable. So, developing resilience is sounding pretty good to me. Just like doctors and nurses, as we become more resilient ourselves, we become more willing and able to truly help those in times of need. To quote Jim Horning: “Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.” I think this applies to hard times too. We unfortunately have to go through some pretty rough waves to be able to surf on top of the tides of change ….
“Tough times don’t last, tough people do.”
