“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”
~ Larry King
The sky was so soft and pretty purple this morning, before the sun eventually peaked over the clouds and haze. I just had to share the dawn, instead of the rise …
So yesterday, I was chatting (listening) with a friend about her not feeling heard. And she realized that it bothered her. Funny, I experienced the exact same emotions later in the day. Tiny Budda has a wonderful post entitled “how to help someone feel loved and understood”. I’ll post the link below, in case you’d like to read it …
She starts with a quote by Ralph Nichols:
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
She then goes on to ask … Have you ever been in a situation when you felt like your words weren’t being acknowledged? Like you were expressing yourself over and over again, yet that you were being misunderstood? Like you were fighting so hard to get your point across, but it only got worse?
Yes, I have! All of it. And because I know how much it can hurt, I try to be a good listener, as I too wish to be heard. “When someone listens to you well, it makes you feel accepted, understood, important, valued and validated. It gives you a voice to help you find yourself again. It reminds you that you are not invisible or alone.”
Here’s a brief summary of what Tiny Buddha lists as good listening skills:
1. Effective listeners remember that words have no meaning—people have meaning.
2. It’s all about the other person. If you can put aside your own agenda, you’ll be able to focus on really hearing.
3. When you are an active or mindful listener, you are fully present, not thinking about the past or the future. Check in with yourself: Are you aware of your focus level? How long can you concentrate without your thoughts drifting off?
4. 80% of the time you listen patiently without interrupting, and the remaining 20% you reflect what you heard and ask questions to get more information about the situation. Famed basketball coach Rick Patino attributes his success to a ratio of 4:1 Listening:Speaking.
5. Look for nonverbal communication like pitch, tone, and rhythm. Look for the hidden feelings behind the words.
6. The best listening skill is to be non-judgmental.
Listening benefits the listener as well. It helps build trust, avoid misunderstanding, and above all it’s a true gift which you can share to uplift people.
Take the time to really listen today, and see how it changes other people’s lives—and yours.
Paraphrased from The Tiny Buddha:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-help-someone-feel-loved-and-understood/
